By Michelle Lehnardt
Thursday, May. 8, 2008
I was chatting with my darling neighbor who has three tiny kiddos, is pregnant with her fourth and in the middle of tearing up and remodeling her home. She's feeling a wee bit stressed.Soon tears were flowing and she said, "But I shouldn't complain. You've got twice as much going on as me and you are always so pulled together."Ha! Me? Pulled together? "I sincerely and honestly apologize if I've ever given you that impression," I told her. "I would never want anyone to think that about me."As the mother of five wild boys and one crazy little princess, I am not trying to create any illusion of perfection. Ten days out of 10 I have moments where I simply can't handle life. And I also have really great happy moments 10 days out of 10. I choose to believe that's a normal part of motherhood.
My friend Missy told me a story of hiking with her dad when she was 8. The hike was easy and fun for the first few miles, but as the elevation increased and Missy's energy wore down, she struggled for breath and fought to keep up with her father. Convinced that something was truly wrong with her body, she called to her dad, "I can't do it. You go on. I'll wait here."Her father stopped, sat her down and gently explained, "You're OK. We're higher on the mountain now and the air is thinner. You have to take deep breaths and I need to slow down and walk slowly with you. You're going to make it. You're going to be fine. This is normal."For Missy, those words made all the difference. There wasn't anything wrong with her; it's normal to struggle when you are not getting enough oxygen.And I guess that's my message to all my fellow mothers. None of us are getting enough oxygen. Every mother I know, whether she has 10 kids or one, is pouring every bit of her energy into the bottomless pit of motherhood. It's meant to be hard. This is normal.I don't ever anticipate being the pulled-together super-mom. I don't want to be. Forgetting a birthday party or serving cereal for dinner is fine with me. If I ever get too organized I may not have time to sit and hold my Gabriel while he tells me about last night's dream or I may not be willing to leave the beds unmade and go on a walk with a friend.Inadequate, imperfect, scatterbrained, messy -- it all makes me a better mother.I should stop here, but I won't. My cute neighbor said she tried to explain her stress to her mother, but her mother's reply was, "You have no idea how lucky you are. There are so many people in the world with bigger problems than yours."I beg to differ. My friend is a nurse in a child abuse unit; she served an 18-month service mission in Guatemala. She is acutely aware of the problems in the world and often expresses her profound gratitude for her husband, home and children. Just talking about her blessings throws her into guilty worries that she isn't grateful enough.But taking care of three small people, growing a new one in your belly and picking out tile for the kitchen are exhausting, oxygen-depleting tasks. Not life-threatening, but exhausting.It's OK to be frustrated. It's OK to be overwhelmed. This is normal.(Michelle Lehnardt never folds laundry and her car is a mess. She runs through the streets of Salt Lake City, takes lots of photos, plays Uno with her five boys and buys too many dresses for the little princess. Her husband is the most romantic man in the world because he does all the Costco shopping AND hauls it into the house (sorry to make you jealous, girls).) "
My friend Missy told me a story of hiking with her dad when she was 8. The hike was easy and fun for the first few miles, but as the elevation increased and Missy's energy wore down, she struggled for breath and fought to keep up with her father. Convinced that something was truly wrong with her body, she called to her dad, "I can't do it. You go on. I'll wait here."Her father stopped, sat her down and gently explained, "You're OK. We're higher on the mountain now and the air is thinner. You have to take deep breaths and I need to slow down and walk slowly with you. You're going to make it. You're going to be fine. This is normal."For Missy, those words made all the difference. There wasn't anything wrong with her; it's normal to struggle when you are not getting enough oxygen.And I guess that's my message to all my fellow mothers. None of us are getting enough oxygen. Every mother I know, whether she has 10 kids or one, is pouring every bit of her energy into the bottomless pit of motherhood. It's meant to be hard. This is normal.I don't ever anticipate being the pulled-together super-mom. I don't want to be. Forgetting a birthday party or serving cereal for dinner is fine with me. If I ever get too organized I may not have time to sit and hold my Gabriel while he tells me about last night's dream or I may not be willing to leave the beds unmade and go on a walk with a friend.Inadequate, imperfect, scatterbrained, messy -- it all makes me a better mother.I should stop here, but I won't. My cute neighbor said she tried to explain her stress to her mother, but her mother's reply was, "You have no idea how lucky you are. There are so many people in the world with bigger problems than yours."I beg to differ. My friend is a nurse in a child abuse unit; she served an 18-month service mission in Guatemala. She is acutely aware of the problems in the world and often expresses her profound gratitude for her husband, home and children. Just talking about her blessings throws her into guilty worries that she isn't grateful enough.But taking care of three small people, growing a new one in your belly and picking out tile for the kitchen are exhausting, oxygen-depleting tasks. Not life-threatening, but exhausting.It's OK to be frustrated. It's OK to be overwhelmed. This is normal.(Michelle Lehnardt never folds laundry and her car is a mess. She runs through the streets of Salt Lake City, takes lots of photos, plays Uno with her five boys and buys too many dresses for the little princess. Her husband is the most romantic man in the world because he does all the Costco shopping AND hauls it into the house (sorry to make you jealous, girls).) "
I don't think you ever truly appreciate your own mother until you become a mother yourself. So thanks Mom. You are the best. Thanks for being so patient with me through all the weird years, thanks for forcing me to play the piano, (I'm so glad now!) and thanks for giving me a chance to try every sport or dance I could dream of. How many Mom's enroll their kids in Accordion lessons, ballet, tap, gymnastics, soccer, softball and ask is there anything else you'd like to try? My mom is the strongest person I know! She would put up the trampoline all by herself. I've never seen such guns on a woman! We would always call her "SHE-RA, Princess of power!!!" Go Mom! Even still, she shovels horse poop 2 times a day and works harder in one day, than most people do in a month! She still drops everything and drives an hour to come help me out with the kids whenever I ask...I've got the best Mom. Happy Mother's Day Mom! I love you!!
I couldn't ask for a better Mother-in-law. Some people complain about their in-laws..I have only the nicest things to say!!! My mother-in-law is there at a moments notice... even when she has dinner cooking for 3 of the neighbors, 4 (or often more) grandkids over that she's babysitting, and her own elderly Mother she's caring for in the basement all while she's quilting a quilt for the humanitarian aid, dry pack canning for all of her kids, neighbors, and friends, working on the latest Stake Relief Society project, organizing family get togethers & birthdays, and updating all of her genealogy files. Can you say WONDER WOMAN??!!! I could go on and on... I love you Mom! Happy Mother's Day!!!
So to all of you Mom's out there...way to go...you know being a mother of 1 child is like having a full time job...having 2 children is like having 2 full time jobs...
Here's my career description:
"I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."
I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field, (both indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have three credits (2 sons, 1 daughter). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."
If there were an ad placed in the want ads for Mom's, it might look something like this: ( I know this is getting long...but bear with me...it's sooo true....)
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately.On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis..
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right..
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY EVERYONE!!!!!!
4 comments:
I loved your "Ode to Mothers" . . .
But seriously if I could only look like that Wonder Woman Gal. You're way too kind. Can I just say that you're a daughter in law that most people only dream about.
Love you,
And Have a GREAT Mother's Day -- you deserve it.
Wow-thanks for posting such a validating blog entry! It is going to be required reading for my hubby tonight! Hope you have a wonderful mother's day.
Nice!! Not that I don't really appreciate your post...'cause I do...but does it ever bug you that this is the only time of the year when anyone in the media points out or cares that being a mom is a rough gig?
Sometimes I just want to see this article on a random Tuesday in September. 'Ya Know?
But I guess now is better than never! Fun post.
Oh my, I'm so flattered that you quoted me in your blog and I love everything you added.
May you have joy in your children.
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